We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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