you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
