Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
