To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
