If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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