I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
