Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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