Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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