My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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