the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
