Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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