My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
