I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
