I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
