homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize