Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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