my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Boobs are out for the taking
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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