You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
