You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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