I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
