I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize