How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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