The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
