You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
