No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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