How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
