why didn't you poke me back
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
