Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
