Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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