# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
