Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i think i just lost a toe
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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