i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
