im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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