Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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