I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
