I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
