I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
