My liver just broke up with me...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize