is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
