am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
