I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
