I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
