my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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