ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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