how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I could fuck to npr.
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