69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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