ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
