So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
