Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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