How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
