Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize