You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
