At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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