I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my poor anus
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
