this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
