its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
