youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
