I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
