i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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