I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
