He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
