member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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