You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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