Already got asked if we're dating
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
