I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
