Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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