I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
