she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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