I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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