Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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