tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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