I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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