He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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