Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
