I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
