Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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