Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
