Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
