i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
