She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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