I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
