God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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