My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
