Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
